You Are NOT The Father!
by ElusiveExile
Summary: Elliot suspects that he isn't the father of Olivia's baby, and that she has been cheating on him. He takes her on The Maury Povich Show to prove it! If you don't like it, you don't have to read it. I'm not making you read it!


"I'm Maury Povich, and this is the Maury Povich Show!" A man in his early 70's yelled as he came onto the stage. He had graying brown hair and hazel eyes.

The many audience members began to cheer. "Maury, Maury!" They chanted in excitement.

"Today we're here with Elliot Stabler. He thinks that baby girl his girlfriend gave birth to, may not actually be his, like she told him!" Maury exclaimed, turning to look at the blue eyed man sitting on the white couch, which was placed on the stage. He walked over to the other man, and he sat in the chair next to the couch. "So what makes you think that little Amber isn't your daughter?" The older man questioned, as a picture of Amber appeared on the screen behind them. Amber was a cute little girl. She had a full head of thick brown hair and wide doe-like brown eyes.

"Once I caught my girlfriend, Olivia Benson, with another man, who just happened to be half naked. She said nothing happened, but I guess we'll find out. I'm almost positive that Amber isn't my daughter. I mean, I love Amber, and I try to be a good father to her, but I just have to know." Elliot answered, a look of sadness crossing his features.

"Well let's bring Olivia out here to see what she has to say about this." Maury said as a brown haired woman walked onto the stage to join them. The crowd showed the disrespect for her by booing her as she came into view.

"Shut the hell up!" She yelled at the crowd, annoyance present in her eyes. "It's bad enough that I'm here. Now I have a bunch of people with NO life yelling at me!" Her words caused the crowds booing to grow louder. Olivia walked over to the couch, a scowl on her face.

"Now Olivia, have you ever cheated on Elliot?" Maury inquired, taking a more serious tone.

Olivia looked flabbergasted. "What? Of course I didn't! Why would you even think that?" She hollered, looking directly at Elliot.

This time it was Elliot's turn to look shocked. "Why would I think that you cheated on me? Well you come one late all the time, and I sometimes find men's clothing that isn't mine, laying around our house. If that isn't proof enough, then I don't know what proof is." He countered, staring back at her.

Maury looked between the two, before an envelope was handed to him. "Well, it looks like the paternity results are in and…" He trailed off, building the suspense as he opened the envelope. "Elliot you are NOT the father of baby Amber!"

Elliot jumped off of the couch as soon as he heard those words. "I knew it. You bitch, you cheated on me! Who the fuck is Amber's father?" He exclaimed in a fit of rage.

She shrunk back into the couch. "Well there may have been that one time, I slept with Brian Cassidy." She whispered in a small voice.

"It's a good thing that we have Brian back stage then!" Maury Povich shouted, cutting off Elliot's retort. A brown haired man walked onto the stage. "Brian has also agreed to take a paternity test, to find out the father of baby Amber!"

"You son of a bitch, why did you sleep with Olivia?" Elliot yelled, getting in Brian's face.

"Because I'm a man, and she came onto me! She may not have been the best lay, but it wasn't that bad." Brian said calmly, knowing that he probably wasn't the child's father. He really didn't care if he was or not. Olivia was just a fuck buddy to him. It's not like he actually cared about her.

"Hey, I'm a good fuck!" Olivia defended.

"Yeah, and that's all you'll ever b! You whore!" Elliot shouted. "Now can we get back to Brian's paternity test results?"

"I think that would be best…" Maury started. "The results are in and you, Brian Cassidy, are also NOT the father!" He finished, astounded.

With a smirk on his face, Brian got up and strode past Olivia. "I'm glad I'm not the father…. See you around Olivia." He said, walking off the stage.

"Shit!" Olivia cursed under her breath. She was sure that Brian had been the father.

"What the hell? He wasn't the father and neither was I. Who else have you been screwing?" Elliot roared, knocking Olivia from her thoughts.

"So Olivia, is there anyone else you would like to confess to sleeping with?" Maury questioned. He was really interested in Olivia's web of lies.

She thought for a minute before answering. "Umm…. It may be Dean Porter. I slept with him on a few occasions." She mumbled, suddenly very interested in the ground.

Elliot was beyond mad now. He didn't understand why Olivia would cheat on him. He treated her right, and he never did anything to cross her.

The older man smirked. "Can we have Dean Porter to the stage now?" He asked, as another brown haired man walked to the stage.

"Dean took the paternity test before the show started. Now we will reveal the results of the test." The host of the show said.

"Oh please, please let it be him." Olivia was muttering under her breath, her fingers crossed.

He opened the envelope. "You, Dean Porter, ARE the father of baby Amber!" He exclaimed.

Dean's face fell as the words dawned on him. HE was the father! "What? No, that can't be right!" He proclaimed surprise evident in his voice.

"Oh Dean, I knew you were Amber's father all along! I love you sooooo much Dean!" She yelled excitedly as she jumped on him, hugging and kissing him.

"Whoa, get off of me! Just because I'm that baby's father doesn't mean I want to be with you! You we're nothing but a quick, easy lay!" Dean shouted, pushing Olivia off of him.

Elliot had been quiet the whole time, watching the scene before him play out. He was happy. That bitch got what she deserved for cheating on him.

Olivia quickly recovered from Dean's rejection. "At least I still have Raoul!" She said, running off to the rookie cop.

"This has been another episode of the Maury Povich show, until next time!" The older man said, waving to the camera. The crowd cheered as the show came to an end.

**AN: Yeah this was a total crack fic! If you wanna flame me for it, please do! Anyways leave me a review good or bad!**

**-Payton :) **


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